Tom Hodgkinson condemns the evil-smelling flood monster in his kitchen

Sometimes I feel I’d like to chuck all the machines out of the house. Get rid of them. I’d use a large pestle and mortar instead of the Magimix, wash up by hand instead of using the dishwasher, and harness the sun and wind and the heat of the stove to dry the clothes.

I expressed similar feelings in a book I wrote many years ago, particularly relating to the dishwasher. And they didn’t go down well. “What’s this nonsense about not having a dishwasher?” I was asked by horrified readers at festivals. “You’re supposed to be an idler!”

Back then I was living in a tumbledown Devon farmhouse and we didn’t have a dishwasher, even though we had three children and lots of people coming to stay.

For me it was an ideological vision, possibly tyrannically pursued: go back to hand tools, medieval technology, wind power. No TV; just card games and books instead. Chuck out the strimmer and buy a scythe. I did do this in fact (well, I didn’t actually throw the strimmer away but I did buy a scythe). At one stage I even contemplated about getting rid of the car and replacing it with a horse and cart.

Back in London I gave up these ideals. I could no longer impose such crazy schemes on the rest of my family. I reminded myself of the awful controlling Dad in the Aldous Huxley story “The Claxtons”, about a proto-hippy family living “the simple life” in horribly self-conscious fashion. So I happily went back to making full use of the dishwasher.

But last week the dishwasher went wrong. It would not drain. Now, Victoria and I consider ourselves dab hands at dishwasher maintenance. We’ve mended our own before, and we’ve mended the dishwashers of friends. So with great confidence we pulled it out, unscrewed the waste pipe, emptied the water, unscrewed a bit of plastic at the bottom and spun a little wheel around to dislodge bits of rice and broken glass.

Three times we did this, and three times we failed to fix the problem. Three times I raged and swore and got covered in stinking oomska from the pipe. So we gave in and called the engineer who will charge God knows what to look at it.

While we wait for the engineer to come, we’ve been forced to do our own washing up and weirdly, we seem to prefer it. No loading and unloading. No worrying that the dishwasher has not washed the glasses properly and has left a sheen of opaque residue on them, meaning they all have to be rinsed again. The dishwasher in any case only does the easy stuff, glasses and plates, which take about three seconds to wash up anyway. Pans need to be done by hand. Our offspring are helping (they should be, they’re all adults now). The washing up gets done quickly. It’s not postponed. Hence the return of my latent anti-machine feelings. Do they really save labour? Are they not more trouble than they’re worth?

Dishwashers have been hailed by their apologists as a liberation from washing up. But is it all a myth? Do they not in fact enslave us? Would we not be better to go back to washing up by hand? And isn’t this better for the planet anyway? After all, motors require fossil fuels to turn them.

Answers on an email please.

SELECTED COMMENTS

These comments were mailed to us after an earlier version of this piece was sent out as a newsletter. We like to publish a selection and reserve the right to edit them for clarity. Feel free to drop us a line with your thoughts.

Sir: I have never had a dishwasher. My parents got one after I left home and my 20s houseshares never had one. Now I’m a homeowner I got my kitchen redone (gah) and there wasn’t space to get a dishwasher. Or a microwave. So I didn’t bother. I think washing up is a good way to keep hands clean as well. I go gloveless and just apply vaseline and handcream afterwards. The other problem with dishwashers is stacking. Everyone has a different opinion and it’s tortuous sometimes to stay with a friend only to be told you put the knives and breakfast plates in the wrong place. Then you feel like you’re not ‘house-trained’ ffs. Why isn’t there a book on how to do it? Perfect irritating present to give people. 43 years without a dishwasher and going strong. I may get rid of the washing machine next.
Anna Maconochie

Sir: It’s a hearty recommendation from me to ditch the dishwasher. I’ve never had one and I can’t imagine my life with one. If anything, doing it by hand provides a precious few second for idle thoughts. It’s not that much of a hardship or inconvenience, even for the idle among us. Dread to imagine how much money their use eats up too… I accept the counterpoint that would be levelled against me by those who know me, though, that I don’t have a large family / kids, so I would say all that, wouldn’t I?
Jason Brown

Sir: My washing machine has been used three times in the seven years I’ve lived in my home. When loading and unloading is taken into account, it’s no quicker than washing by hand. It does use less water, for which I have some guilt, but I’m going to keep the scouring pad handy and do it the old-fashioned way.
Andrew Perlot

Sir: I have never owned a dishwasher. I am 66 years old, and used one through my teens in my mother’s home (so I have a sound basis of experience from which to criticise). I’ve never found them time-saving except perhaps when washing up after a party. As you mention, all the loading and unloading feels like more work than a pleasant few minutes with my hands in warm soapy water. Living in an average British home, with no utility room or pantry, I’m dead set against losing valuable space for what I would use as a glorified dish drainer. Thank you for furthering my point of view.
Cynthia Spencer

Sir: Finally! I thought I was alone in hating dishwashers! I hate dishwashers too – the awful blast of chlorine when opened, the residue of rinse aid on every item, leaves a strange squeakiness feel to plates and glasses– I much prefer hand washed and rinsed plates etc. I use cast iron pans and wooden cutting boards, and knives that cannot go in dishwasher. I also have vintage tableware that is not dishwasher safe, so again, hand washing rules! With all the loading and arranging etc I think they do not save time, but the do allow people to clean up later. So a big basin under the sink that dirty dishes could go into without cluttering sink area – for later-on washing up. I love it if someone helps me with washing up and dries alongside – beautiful teamwork and a chance to exchange some meaningful words.
Veronica Moen

Sir: We don’t have a dishwasher: we have two: myself and my Mum. And you have three! (if they still live with you) – start them early and they’ll thank you for it in later life. I started cleaning my own room for my pocket money at 6 years old. Ok, it was the 70’s but those “chores” have since turned into good habits and even when I’ve lived on my own I’ve dedicated one morning a week to “admin” around the house/flat. Even when I was a student in Cornwall I managed to get the rest of the household to muck in and clean up the roaches, beer cans and other student house party detritus left behind by those that used our house as the party house and it was never a disgusting place again. I managed to instil in them what a difference an hour can make when everyone works as a team. I wonder if they still do it now? Probably not. A tidy house is a tidy mind, I believe. And that’s good for everyone’s mental health, right? (not to mention discipline, pride and self respect)
Neil Foulks

Sir: I hear you, however lots of people (my children definitely), seem to use dishwashers like waste disposal units come washing up machines. However, I find them more economical with the water, also as they heat as they go they are great with solar and night time tariffs, thereby leaving extended bath water to indulge in later, and they don’t tend to leave lots of residual food stuffs, smash & crack dishes or indeed pile them into terrifying teetering towers that tumble and smash as soon as your mum comes to check on how you are all getting on doing the dishes. They dry your dishes leaving your sodden tea towels and smelly dish cloths a distant memory too. If you were to visit my eldest, you would also see the benefit of one being most helpful in leaving your kitchen surfaces clear and less attractive to flies, because their 12 hour shifts tend to leave them too exhausted to do their dishes. The deal struck was she cooks so he has to do the dishes, but being easily distracted he lets everything pile up to do in one hit on his day off, causing plenty of friction between them.
Linda Patterson

Sir: Oh I love this, Tom! James and I refuse to get a dishwasher, much to the chagrin of my mother. Washing dishes by hand is beautiful beta wave time that we don’t get otherwise. And the smell inside the dishwasher alone is enough to keep me happily washing dishes by hand! And the noise. Though usually we do let God do the drying … I’m with ya!
Anne Davison

Sir: I have never owned a dishwasher. Most people who own them seem to spend more time rinsing off the plates etc before loading the washer, than I do washing them by hand in contemplative mood – and theirs haven’t even been washed yet. I do worry about all that water and electricity, although people who know these things assure me that dishwashers use less water than hand-washing does. This surely depends on how prolific your water use is when you wash up by hand. My brother starts the dishwasher at his house even when it only contains his own breakfast dish and cup. Some people are earth saboteurs.
Pat
PS I don’t own a television either.

Sir: HA!!! My dishwasher failed me last Friday and I was expecting 10 people (young) to stay for the Coronation weekend. They were absolutely brilliant and did all the washing up with lots of chat and laughter.   A greatly enhanced social life!!! The engineer is not coming until 23rd!
Margaret Eliott

Sir: Two additional benefits from washing up by hand. The are others I’m sure. If you suffer from arthritic hands, thumbs in my case, the immersion in hot water and the manipulation of cutlery, cups, plates etc is both beneficial and soothing and is in fact recommended by some enlightened physiotherapists. If the sink is in front of a window, and there should be a building reg enforcing that, especially with a garden view, then there is the opportunity to continually glance up from the sink and see what’s happening on the bird feeders, and appreciate the constant changes of weather and seasons: flowers, shrubs and trees. And a third comes to mind. If after a large gathering and meal with friends or family, especially if not all familiar with each other, and there is a lot of washing up to do and it is done ‘manually’ it becomes a small social and communal event. Conversations are more relaxed and often take a different more casual turn.
David Gilbert

Sir: I am not sure that your arguments against the Dishwasher are valid. The issue of loading and unloading are equally valid regarding loading into and out of a sink and a rinsing basin (assuming a double sink). If you only have a single sink, then you either have to stack the cleaned dishes to be rinsed, or rinse as you go, which uses more water than a dishwasher. Water usage is also another issue. Most modern dishwashers now use less water than the equivalent hand washing of the same amount of dishes by about 7.5 times (https://www.choice.com.au/home-and-living/kitchen/dishwashers/articles/dishwasher-vs-washing-by-handDishwasher vs washing by hand – which uses more water? | CHOICE). There are also money-saving benefits if you program to run the dishwasher out of peak hours, this is better than using hot water from the sink as that has to use the existing HW system, probably during peak hours, which is expensive. Also, having to re-rinse dishes because of staining etc, is probably due to either poor cleaning agents (or poorly maintained DW), or an old dishwasher. I have recently upgraded to a cheaper dishwasher (sounds like an oxymoron) after 10 years, and it is so much better than the previously more expensive unit, that I wish I had done it sooner. Although I agree that doing work oneself is beneficial (see Shop Class as Soulcraft — Matthew B. Crawford or Thoreau John Kaag) I don’t think rejecting technology for the sake of it is reasonable. Life is short; is dishwashing the best use of our time? I’d argue no.
Kevin

Sir: I don’t own a dishwasher because I was inspired by the lovely Vietnamese Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, who used washing dishes as a form of meditation. Now I wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes and I don’t go to meditation classes either.
Karen Madgwick

Sir: It’s funny you write about dishwashers just now as we (my husband and I) have only two weeks ago moved into a flat without a dishwasher after having had one in the last ten years. Our verdict is clear: We’d really rather have a dishwasher. None of us is doing the breakfast dishes before going to work in the morning so we come back from work in the afternoon and are faced with having to do dishes before we start cooking supper (of course only after having put away last evening’s clean dishes). Just after supper, dishes need to be done again by which time the breakfast dishes haven’t dried yet so we need to dry them before doing the dinner dishes. A dishwasher saves us time. Of course it is annoying when machines break down. But it’s only because they are otherwise so reliable that we get so annoyed. We just always expect them to work! Think of it this way: The Idlers we look up to in all likelihood had servants. Dr Johnson didn’t have a dish washer, but he most likely wasn’t doing his own dishes either. Rather, he had a maid. Think of the failing of the dishwasher as the maid falling ill. Isn’t calling the engineer better than calling a doctor for the maid? And if it is all to no avail, isn’t it better to buy a new dishwasher than having to find a new maid?
Konstantina, Bremen, Germany

Sir: I do a lot of housesitting as a sideline and I detest it when homes have a dishwasher and inadequate hand washing options. Given that I’m usually staying in a home alone I just don’t create enough washing up to justify using a dishwasher. I have to either save loads up by which time food is dry on the plates and the dishwasher won’t shift it effectively or, more usually, I let the hand bits build up in the sink and do one hand washing up at the end of the day. But in homes with a dishwasher there’s perhaps no drying rack, no scourer or even no washing up liquid. There’s always a big list of ‘things that can’t go in the dishwasher’: delicate glassware, cutlery with non metal handles or pans that don’t really get clean in the dishwasher and all these require hand washing anyway! My favourite tea towel is this one from Mik Artistik:https://www.mikartistik.com/store/northern-express-train-tea-towel
Washing up by hand can be a contemplative meditation. Dishwashers still need to be loaded up and then emptied which seems to causes as many rows in the family home as whose turn it is to do the washing up. Washing clothes by hand? That’s a step too far and I’m glad I don’t have to go down to the river to beat my pants against the rocks. But washing pots? Count me in!
Helen Rice

Sir: I agree with you to some extent. Another problem it has caused in our house us the competition and ill feeling it has created between my spouse and me. Who is the best at loading the machine to make best use of the said power etc. Sometimes one of us sneaking a quick look at the other one’s handiwork. In fact my spouse has become rather dictatorial about it which is uncharacteristic. Should we go to marriage guidance or get rid of the wretched thing?
Jo Fletcher

Washing up by hand is very therapeutic, therefore also saving money 😄 However you do have to be careful how much water hot and cold, that you use, to remain environmentally friendly.
Alexis Bernstorff

Sir: I managed without a dishwasher for 10 years, and rarely felt that manual washing was much of a burden. But when we re-did that kitchen for subsequent occupants and then another one 7 years later in a subsequent home, we felt compelled to plumb one in because it’s expected. They’ve been expensive overall if I consider the total spend over a 20 year period, but they’re nice when we’ve had guests over or served a festive meal using more dishes and pans than usual. It’s an indulgence to leave the machine full and running so we can just go to sleep. The vendors also claim they use less hot water than if you handwash, and I can see that being true if you tend to scrub the dishes under a stream of hot water from the tap, an easy habit to fall into. But the ore extraction and carbon used in manufacture, shipping and eventually disposal really isn’t a justifiable footprint.   And I think we chip more items just getting them out of the machine in a hurry, as they get knocked on the counter edge which projects slightly over the machine.

Sir: An annoyance of handwashing is that it really dries out your hands – whether you wear gloves or not. Another is that the piles have to be propped and balanced carefully so that they drain-dry, and they can occupy a lot of work surface for several hours, before the items can be put away. But I have seen a clever trick in some European VRBO kitchens: the cabinet above the sink(s) has a built-in plate rack on the bottom level with an open floor so that after a steaming hot rinse the plates drip-dry from within their own storage cabinet: washed and put away in one move.
Joanna Rainbow

Sir: I have a dishwasher but have only used it once, and that was to try it out. Sure enough, residue was left on the glasses. I am very fussy about clean shiny glasses, so for that reason, and others, the dishwasher was abandoned.

Sir: I far prefer to wash up by hand. I stare out at the garden, trance out and do some of my best thinking whilst washing up. I find it both relaxing and satisfying as I see the clean dishes pile up, leaving them to dry by themselves. It probably takes about the same time as it would to load a dishwasher. I will never abandon washing up by hand. One of life’s little pleasures.
Katy

Sir: For a long time I felt unable to explain to myself (and certainly others!) my strong preference for grinding coffee by hand. This article (and the links it contains) gave me a lot of perspective – maybe you will enjoy it too? Now I am both able and proud to say: I do not enjoy working with machines because I don’t know where they come from or how they work – and I dislike machine maintenance with a fury. Since that realisation I have unapologetically embraced handwriting, sewing with needle and thread, sawing wood by hand, garden clipping and other projects where conventional (lack of) wisdom says “you need a machine for that”. To which I say: “Who is going to stop me?” Thank you for sharing everything that you do.
Camilla

Sir: Our dishwasher rumbles and churns for over an hour before the “ complete “ light flips on. Here we are living in “Green California” with reduced flow shower heads and a newly installed low flush toilet that requires an extra bucket of water for those turds that disappear after the first flush but come right back defiantly refusing to disappear. My husband is the overseer of dishwashing and gets irritated if I dare to put a spoon where the knives should go. He has a very specific way of loading and unloading… I’m staying out of it I fondly remember back in London in the Kensington squat – when after a huge party, we filled the old claw foot tub with piping hot water and Fairy Liquid ,dumped in the dirty dishes and left them to soak overnight. We ran the shower over them the next morning and left them to dry. No sweat, no machines and a lot of fun.
Jackie Farley, California

Get rid of it! We’ve never had one and I don’t mind washing up at all. Quite enjoy it in fact. It means I get to move around a bit after eating a meal, we get to chat about all sorts of things (I wash, he dries), and we get the satisfaction of leaving the kitchen all clean and tidy before going to bed. It also means I get to play with bubbles when rinsing out wine bottles in soapy water, which is (weirdly) really fun.

Sir: I am not against “labour-saving” devices per se – for example, I should not like to run a house without a washing-machine; the hours saved not doing all that by hand free up time to engage in what I enjoy doing, such as poetry and sport ( I still do a lot of it, and I think I’m the same age as you) and ambling around woods and things – but dishwashers are notable exceptions. I have never owned one, and I never will. Not only do they not really save time, but the labour they “save” has value of its own. First of all, it’s instant gratification – the dishes look terrible all stacked up covered in detritus, and often they’re strewn rather than stacked anyway, yet it takes a very short time to get them all sparkling clean and neat and tidy on the draining-board, which somehow looks tidy even if it isn’t, because of the way everything is contained in the small space. Secondly, the job is all done in one place and usually with a window in front of you for idle observation (the birds? the kids on the estate? clouds?), and involves warm water on the veins in your wrists which gives a lovely warm feeling all over the body (see also putting ice-cold things on wrists to cool your body temperature) while you work – somehow this is pleasant even if it is a hot day – and is free enough of effort to allow your mind to wander and perhaps think of useful things (such as poem ideas, in my case). Thirdly, although it gives rise to two other jobs – drying and putting away – the first of these can simply be left to do itself (unless you really do need one of the items, in which case you can run the tea-towel over that one), and the second gives you very simple, gentle exercise, mostly low level stretching (and usually the morning after, which is an excellent time to be doing such things). Fourthly, when the job is over, you are right next to all the food and drink in the house, so you can refresh yourself after all that effort with a steak or a cup of tea or something. Fifthly, the job is virtually free of charge to do, unlike the dishwasher option – a few days’ savings with the bills the way they currently are is probably enough to use on a small volume of poetry instead (you may have noticed I’m a bit of a fan of poetry, but other small gifts to oneself are available).
Keith Fenton

Sir: Oh thank god, I thought no one felt the same way as me. I was pretty much an outcast for resisting the dishwasher. Friends and family thought I was crazy and in the end I gave in. What a useless bit of kit. We’ve been through three already. The pre-washing just so as there is some kind of chance that the contents will come out clean. Not good when we’re being told to save water and there’s hose pipe bans. And it’s yet another machine to clean, my argument for resisting in the first place. Now of course it depends on your location and where your sink is but I’m lucky to have mine in front of a window so I get to birdwatch and watch sunrises and sunsets. You can’t beat watching woodpeckers searching for insects in the bricks of the house opposite. Or why not stick the radio or some music on while you soak and dry. Just like sitting on the loo, washing up is valuable thinking time and I’m all for it.
Laura

Sir: I brought up six children – four of them as a single parent for 6 years – in a succession of really quite basic kitchens, without a dishwasher. Nobody died. The children, now aged 34 to 44, grew up knowing how to stack and rinse. Vital life skills, those. The Idler’s Rules are simple. # Wash up utensils as go. Never let them accumulate. You’re allowed to soak really stubborn stuff ONLY overnight. A biological washing podule is good for this. # After a big meal, stack plates and bowls, squirt detergent and run hot water, leave for 10 mins or so, then wash. # Never put sharp knives in the bowl. # Wash glasses separately, in new water. # A sponge-backed green scratchy thing, cheap as chips at Lidl, is your best tool. # Never leave washing-up overnight. Ever. # As soon as your children are old enough, instigate an age-appropriate rota. Be a bit flexible with it. Just a bit. # As you rinse, tell yourself that you’ll be the one ingesting Fairy Liquid if you skimp it. Now we are proto-crumbly and on our own, we live in a house that came with a plumbed-in dishwasher. We use it at Christmas because, sod it, it’s Christmas.
David Milsted

Sir: I do some of my best thinking while washing and drying dishes. And some great conversations have taken place with my kids, family and friends while washing up.
Susan Seltz

Sir: I beg to differ. I love me a good dishwasher, I miss mine like a lost pet since moving to a house that can’t accommodate one. That quiet hum of the machine at the end of the day, kids in bed, guests have left, it’s just you sipping from the one glass of wine you didn’t put in the dishwasher – this one will can go in the sink- ahh! it’s the soundtrack of peace!
Sister Chain

Sir: I do enjoy your writing. 10 years or more ago, your country living was inspirational, and with my soon to be wife we stood on the precipice of a more rural and perhaps idle life, but having kids has made me appreciate the security and comfort of the PAYE day job. A regular job can be the easy option if you know what you are doing and have risen far enough to delegate! As for dishwashers, I recently had a similar problem. I watched endless youtube videos of how to replace the offending part for nominal cost. Trouble was the whole thing just took ages and lots of effort and involved a whole day figuring out how to take the dishwasher apart (upside down it transpires) before the 2 minute job of replacing the drain pump. On reflection it would have been far simpler to buy a new one for a couple of hundred quid. As for electricity, it turns out that that it is the green alternative and it is our moral duty to use about 3 times as much of it as we currently do, heating our homes and powering our cars. We have just had some solar panels fitted and I think that there is definitely an idle angle to getting free energy when the sun shines – a modern twist on the old ways perhaps?
Toby

Sir: I despise dishwashers we do all our washing up by hand and always have done. BUT dishwashers do actually use less water than washing up. But it’s where I do my best thinking so it stays.
Laura

Your missives, if/when read, are usually read with interest and/or a smile. This one is read with both, and approval. You see, here we have managed without a dishwasher for many years. We had one once, for a while but found (chiefly I found) that it tyrannised our lives. For example, if you wanted a cup of coffee after a meal but someone had put the dishwasher on with all the household’s cups in it, you had to wait till the machine’s bloody cycle was over. Also, when people put stuff in and waited till there was enough in there to make a wash ‘worthwhile’, the machine’s contents would begin to smell. Washing up by hand is fun. You can do it with another and chat; and if alone, some of the best thoughts come with hands in hot water. So, long live the washing up bowl! In haste but with greetings and best thoughts from a green and still thriving smallholding on the outskirts of Swindon.
Matt, lowershawfarm.co.uk

Sir: I live in Christchurch, New Zealand. Many years ago I read your books How to be Idle and How to be Free. I still enjoy dipping into them – in fact, they’re among a small library of books in a cupboard in the lavatory, where they can be enjoyed by anyone visiting the smallest room for a few minutes of quiet alone time. I am totally with you on the topic of dishwashers. We have had two; both eventually broke down and thanks to the way of modern technology, couldn’t be economically repaired. After number two went to the whitewear section of the dump, I said that’s it, we’re going back to hand-washing. The gap in the kitchen where the dishwasher once stood is now a recycling collection point, with a container for solid recyclables and a bag for soft plastics. Hand-washing dishes is just better in every way, I reckon. It uses less water, less electricity and less environmentally damaging detergent. It’s less harsh on dishes. The sound of dishes being washed by hand is much nicer than that of the machine churning away. It’s a chance to catch up with other family members at the end of the day; it’s a little standing exercise after dinner. If you’re doing it on your own, it’s a brief opportunity for quiet contemplation as you do something simple and rhythmical. It provides simple satisfaction. Afterwards you wipe down the counter, turn off the lights and leave the kitchen; job done.
Jane

Sir: There is, I think, a significant difference between gadgets which simply remove mindless drudgery, and those which while being faster and less effortful, can never replace the personal satisfaction of a job well done.
Michael Eisele