Rosie Holt MP explains to you, the British public, why no one in the last government ‘broke’ any lockdown rules at all. Not really…

Matt Hancock resigned after pictures emerged of him getting intimate with a member of his staff, Gina Coladangelo, during a time when social distancing guidelines were still in place. Yes, these were social guidelines that he had helped enforce, and yes, he had previously called for the resignation of Neil Ferguson the epidemiologist for breaking lockdown rules by visiting his mistress, but as he later revealed in The Diary of a CEO podcast, he just ‘fell in love’. (He was sporting a polo neck when he said this and I defy anyone to doubt the sincerity of a man in a polo neck.)

Why did Matt Hancock fall in love? Because he was human. Just like you. So when you next believe that lefty lie that government officials were ‘breaking’ lockdown rules while you couldn’t see your grandmother, I ask you to show some compassion and remember that they are only human. When you prick us, do we not bleed? And when, as in the case of Matt Hancock, you put us on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here and vote for us to eat a camel penis, do we not retch?

I think we can all agree that anything an MP should be accountable for – say, their decisions regarding the treatment of care-home residents in the pandemic – should be forgotten when we see how endearingly and good-humouredly they sit around a camp fire with Boy George and former Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles and eat blended meal-worms for their team of celebs. I hope that series of I’m a Celeb will set a precedent for rehabilitating disgraced politicians in the eyes of the public.

Hancock was not so much a resignation over Partygate, unless you were to define his assignation as a sexy party for two. In fact, the only notable resignation over Partygate was that of then Downing Street press secretary, Allegra Stratton. Stratton resigned not because she attended any of the parties (at least I didn’t see her — but then if I did I wouldn’t know anyway, because Sue Gray never confirmed I was there) but because a recording was leaked of her laughing at how to defend Parliament should the press ask about the parties.

Boris Johnson apologised for the video, saying he was ‘furious about it’, but insisted that no party had taken place. As I have previously covered, this wasn’t a lie as this was a time when the definition of a party was in flux. Johnson objected to Stratton making light of the parties, because this is a man who knows that parties are very serious business. (See Chapter 3, ‘Why we were right to look after our Russian oligarch chums…’ for more on Johnson’s impressive commitment to parties.)

This is an extract from Why We Were Right (Ebury, £14.99) by Rosie Holt. Buy a copy from bookshop.org here.

Or buy a copy from Blackwell’s here.

Rosie Holt will be our guest on this week’s “A Drink with the Idler“, 6pm Thursday 24 October. Free to subscribers – otherwise £7.50.

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