A flu-stricken Tom Hodgkinson is cheered by the noble art of throwing arrows at a board. Plus a look at what’s in the new edition of the Idler magazine

Welcome to 2024. I write to you from bed, where I am suffering from a mild bout of the flu. Not the best way to start the year. However, being ill does have its compensations. You are released from domestic servitude and become a little prince. Last night, for example, my 19-year-old son brought me my supper in bed, and enquired after my health. Hmm, this isn’t so bad, I thought.

Being ill makes you important, at least in your own mind. Some people like it. As Jane Austen complained of an acquaintance in an 1808 letter to her brother Frank: “She is a poor honey – the sort of woman who gives me the idea of being determined never to be well and who likes her spasms and nervousness and the consequence they give her, better than anything else.”

Other upsides including indulging in popular entertainment. Previously when I was ill, I read Sherlock Holmes books. This time, I watched top-level darts.

As luck would have it, my illness coincided with the 2024 PDC (Professional Darts Corporation) World Darts Championship final, and I watched it on my laptop, while propped up with four pillows. The showdown, held at Alexandra Palace, was between two Lukes: 16-year-old Luke “The Nuke” Littler, and world number one Luke “Cool Hand” Humphries, both Brits.

The charming, understated and ridiculously young Littler has become a star during the tournament; he was the subject of a recent profile in the New York Times. His life is all darts: he’s been playing since he was two, and has only one GCSE. As for the secrets of his success, The Nuke is self-effacing, saying: “I just wake up, play on my Xbox, have some food and have a chuck on the board, go to bed and that’s it.”

Darts is an idler’s sport and something we Brits excel at. It may not be the most athletic game ever invented, but sings of camaraderie and pints in the pub (though the days of players drinking at world championships are over). It was also great to see the audience (who were drinking lots of pints) having such a good time in the background.

I watched the whole gripping match – it went on for around two and half hours. Luke Littler started well and for a moment looked like he had a chance of winning. In the end though, it was Luke Humphries who won the day.

The final score was seven sets to four, each set being a best of five games or “legs” (in each game, players start with 501 points and each three-dart score is subtracted from the total, the first to zero being the winner. But you must get the exact number of points to take you to nought, and the final dart must be on a double, hence the frequency of players going for “double top”, or double 20).

We used to have a dartboard when we lived in north Devon, but have no such indulgences in London. If Victoria’s reading this, my birthday is in April, just saying.

In other news, the new Idler is out now. Our cover star is Arthur Brown, the “God of Hellfire”, who tells Will Hodgkinson about his long and eventful life (he has successfully managed to avoid having a proper job, and lived in a yurt for seven years). There’s Stephen Bayley on why he hates fun, Peter York on Teddy Boys, James Thellusson on the history of the chaise longue, plus regulars Stewart Lee, Virginia Ironside, Rachel Kelly and Arthur Smith.

As Victoria has mentioned, we’re releasing a new online course next week, “How to be an Anarchist” with Ruth Kinna. Ruth is Professor of Political Theory at Loughborough University and was converted to anarchism in the early nineties. She is a wonderful guide to this gentle and appealing political philosophy. This course will be available to all our Idler Academy subscribers.

You may be aware that through January we’re doing a half price offer: a year’s membership to the Idler Academy will cost only £34.95. This includes all the courses plus digital edition of the latest issue and back issues (add £20 to get the print mag sent to you in the post).

For those of you who prefer going to an old-fashioned shop to get your copy of the magazine, we’re on sale in Waitrose, Waterstones, WHSmiths High Street and WHSmiths Travel outlets, as well as Booths and Easons.

PS For our first “Drink with the Idler” on Thursday 18 January, I’ll be talking to Canadian novelist Stephen Marche about the pure misery of being a writer. Read an extract from his new book, On Writing and Failure, here.

SELECTED COMMENTS

These comments were mailed to us after an earlier version of this piece was sent out as a newsletter. We like to publish a selection and reserve the right to edit them for clarity. Feel free to drop us a line with your thoughts.

Sir: I would also like to add snooker and chess to the list of great Idler pastimes.
Scott

Sir: And don’t the snobs HATE darts?
Steve

Our January/February 2024 issue is available in Waitrose, Waterstones, Smiths Travel outlets, select Smiths high street branches and around 100 indie stores. Click here for your nearest stockist.