But how on earth will the city’s millennials get about now? Tom Hodgkinson has a suggestion…

It’s always nice to read a bit of good news in the papers when you’re feeling low. Headlines like, “FTX’s Sam Bankman-Fried jailed after US judge revokes bail”, “Singapore court jails businessman over Wirecard charges” and “Crispin Odey’s name to be removed from hedge fund he founded” tend to restore one’s faith in the ways of providence.

And the other day I was inordinately cheered to read the following: “Parisians vote to ban rental scooters from French capital”. At last, I thought, they’ve seen sense.

Five years ago Paris – perhaps wanting to be seen as au courant – enthusiastically welcomed a number of get-very-very-rich-quick e-scooter rental schemes. There was Lime from Silicon Valley, Paris-based Dott and Tier, a German company.

Of the three Lime, owned by Uber, is probably the most unpleasant. Like Uber, Lime seduces people away from public transport in cities, and towards putting large amounts of money into a Californian bank account. They call their scooters “free-floating”, bringing together two appealing words. “Mayhem-making” would be more accurate.

Because what they have done in fact is to cause chaos and pain on the streets of Paris as clueless millennials cruise down streets and pavements, jumping lights and generally behaving in a selfish manner.

In 2022, three people died and 459 were injured in accidents involving e-scooters in Paris. I saw the problem for myself: I was in a cab in Paris three years ago and we very nearly knocked over a young maniac on a scooter.

There were nearly 15,000 of these menacing machines in Paris before the ban, which was supported by 90% of those who voted (this was despite Lime bribing Parisians by offering its users a free ten-minute ride for everyone who registered to vote in the referendum).

The idea that these e-scooters are some sort of eco solution is absurd. Cities should invest in fantastic public transport and bicycle lanes if they want to be eco, not allow thousands of electricity-guzzling metal monstrosities to clutter the streets.

It would be nice to report that other cities would follow Paris’s lead, but this is looking unlikely. Lime’s boss has been boasting about stellar growth and is talking about floating on the American stock exchange, the route to enormous wealth for founders.

“Today, I think the market is going to demand significant growth, and it’s going to demand proven profitability, free cash flow generated,” said CEO Wayne Ting, who joined Lime from Uber in 2018. “And the great thing is Lime is exactly there. We’re delivering really fantastic growth so far this year. We’re on a path to getting free cash flow positive. We have all the ingredients to take this company public.” Lime raised over $500 million investment in 2021, and in 2022 reported taking $466 million in booking fees.

One friend in London takes great pleasure in kicking over Lime scooters when she sees them, as well as those of other opportunistic companies trying to make millions, like the absurdly named Human Forest, whose bikes block pavements everywhere, but which was recently valued at $32 million.

TFL have sadly also capitulated to the seductions of Lime et al. They say: “Our current trial of rental e-scooters is being operated by Dott, Lime and TIER and will run to autumn 2023. After this we will transition to the next phase of the trial which will be operated by Dott, Lime and Voi who were selected following a competitive procurement process.”

The very strange thing is that TFL has banned privately owned e-scooters, but not the avaricious overseas rental companies. It should be the other way round.

And why do they not focus more resources on the brilliant Boris bikes scheme, which is operated by TFL and not by an overseas investment project? Do Lime, Dott and Tier pay TFL large sums to operate their business?

And in any case, why can’t millennials and other silly scooter riders use the human’s own inbuilt renewable energy resource, which emit no carbon, bring enormous health benefits, and cost nothing – Legs? Whether used for walking or bicycling, Legs are a brilliantly eco form of energy. Using Legs, I go everywhere in London on my single speed bicycle and I’m 55.

Yes people, forget Lime and use Legs, the free-floating carbon neutral all natural food-powered mobility device!

A similar point was made by the late Heathcote Williams in his poem, “All Bikes Are Weapons”, where he says of the bicycle:

causing nothing but exhilaration
and liberation instead of
trails of filth and death
there’s no spillage in the seas

Bicycle power
Produces no exhaust fumes
No carcinogens.
Man-powered machines
Are anti-capitalist –
You can’t meter air.
The bicycle is
The most efficient machine
Ever created.

PS We’re now taking bookings for our autumn season of A Drink with the Idler. Roll up for Griff Rhys Jones, Georgia Mann, Guy Standing, Cory Doctorow, Louise Winter, Emma Southon, Rupert Sheldrake and Anna Keay. Free for subscribers.

SELECTED COMMENTS

These comments were mailed to us after an earlier version of this piece was sent out as a newsletter. We like to publish a selection and reserve the right to edit them for clarity. Feel free to drop us a line with your thoughts.

Sir: Scooters are indeed a traffic menace (worse than careless cyclists) but that was an Oldie rant – when it comes to “idling”, standing on a little platform is way more “idler” than pumping your legs, no? Idlers are all ages, ferchrissake. Please don’t use “millennial” so pejoratively.
Nick Healey

Sir: Good news indeed. I’ve always thought of scooters as just another piece of urban trash that should go directly into the nearest dumpster.
Alan Swanson

Sir: Hear, hear!
Robert Greer

Sir: Whilst in no way necessarily disagreeing with much of what you have written in your article, I find the statement “the ban, which was supported by 90% of those who voted…” somewhat disingenuous. The statement may well be true. However, assuming the BBC website is to be believed, “of the 1.38 million people on the city’s electoral register, just over 103,000 took part, according to official figures. Of these, over 91,300 voted against the scooters.” Thus, another way to interpret the figures is that 7.5% of the population voted, and 6.6% of the population voted to ban the e-scooters.
John Bridgeman

Sir: Just a little feedback on a pet peeve of mine. The generation known as millennials are people who in the year 2023 are aged 27-43. Are those actually the people you’re talking about in the sentence “Because what they have done in fact is to cause chaos and pain on the streets of Paris as clueless millennials cruise down streets and pavements, jumping lights and generally behaving in a selfish manner?” As a 41-year-old millennial, I haven’t done anything as risky as ride a scooter down city streets in at least 15 years. But what I have heard for my entire adult life and still encounter nearly every day is people (usually only a few years older than me) using the term “millennial” as a catch-all for “young people I’m angry at for one reason or another”. Please consider being more precise in the future if millennial is not actually the age group you’re talking about. And if you are actually talking about some cadre of 30- and 40-somethings who are taking their lives (not to mention knees and other precarious joints) into their hands riding scooters down the streets of Paris, please accept my apologies and carry on.
Elizabeth

Sir: I’m very pleased to say it isn’t just big cities like Paris that are banning these horrible scooters, I moved to a small Midwestern town in Indiana called Fort Wayne from Scotland over a decade ago and several years ago they introduced scooters and it made my life as a cyclist much more dangerous. People left scooters across sidewalks, rode them far too fast and were generally a complete pain. Happily the city has now cited safety concerns as the main reason for getting rid of them. You have no idea how happy this has made me.
Fergie Meek

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